"Smile a Little Smile for Me"

I cannot remember having an October with such beautiful weather. It has been on the warm side, but at least it has been sunny giving us the opportunity to enjoy all the pumpkin patches and fall activities. St. Louis has so many fall festivals and pumpkin patches its hard to decide where to go! So far this year we have been to Theiss Farm and Millstat. Today we are going to Steckmeyer Farms and Valley Days and plan to wear our boys out! (Who are we kidding, we will wear out long before our boys).


I am writing this while Owen is in his gymnastics class. I watch as all the kids follow the teacher's instructions while Owen runs around. I can't figure out if he doesn't want to be there or if he is just being an over-energetic boy that doesn't want to listen. He says he wants to go, but then doesn't pay attention once he is in there. I want him to understand the discipline of being in an organized sport or group, and gymnastics is at least almost always moving. I know most other kids Owen's age are in soccer, but there seems to be so much standing around. Or, does it bother Owen that he is the only boy in this class? Does he notice it? Great, now he is trying to recruit other kids to the dark side...as I type this he just got up and started playing Duck-Duck-Goose while they are supposed to be in a circle...I believe Owen has just taken control of the class. This kid is either going to be the President or in prison when he grows up.

On a different note, has anyone noticed that no one really smiles anymore. As I was walking through the grocery store one day I started looking at all the faces. Most everyone looked irritated or at best blank. I tried a trick and just walked with a half smile. I'm sure I looked like a crazy person, but I wanted to see how many people noticed and smiled back. Not a single one, but maybe the grocery store isn't the best place to try this experiment. (Note that just yesterday I started crying in the grocery store because Owen kept hitting Levi in the cart...so if someone looked at me and smiled at that moment I can guarantee it would not be reciprocated). The moral is, just try smiling once in awhile while out and about, Of course, I guess you have to be careful of who you smile at and when. If your a 40 year old dude and start smiling at a teenager in a low cut shirt, probably not appropriate.

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"

I went to dinner the other night with 2 of my closest friends and had a lesson in what exactly this bible passage means.  (said friends, you know who you are, the beginning of this post may upset you, but keep reading :) ).

The evening of our dinner arrives and as I am getting ready to leave, I'm already getting annoyed.  I keep thinking "I know they will be late, I just know it.  Here I am trying to rush to get out the door to get there on time, but they will be late anyway"  I started listing off the number of times in my head these girls were late meeting me out, while perfect-little-ole-me is always on time.  I stewed about it in the car on the way to the restaurant, and low and behold I get a text saying they would be late.  So, I'm pretty much fuming (pouting) by the time I get to the restaurant.  I consider even just leaving, just to teach them a lesson. 

Enter friends about 10 minutes late.  I didn't pay much attention to either of them, just stared at the menu.  Friend #1 asks what is wrong.  I have a little voice in my head that says "Is it really that big of a deal?"  And before I can stop, my big mouth is already moving.  I go into a rant about how they are always late, how disrespectful it is, how I rarely get to see them yet they don't get there on time, about how I'm always trying to get "dates" together but they are too busy..yada yada yada.  Both friends sit stunned for a minute.  And yes, it is as awkward as you are imagining.   Here is the response I was expecting "Oh Suzy, we are so so sorry!  We promise to never ever be late again.  We will agree to every event you suggest and schedule our entire lives around your needs".  Wanna take a guess how much of that actually happened? 

Instead, a whole can of whoop-ass was opened on my faults.  MY faults....I-have-faults???  Whhhaaattt?  Who knew???  As this ass-whipping is taking place, my logical voice, the one who wondered if this was a "good idea" was actually laughing.  I tried desperately to deflect, but Friend #1 isn't down for that.  I started it, now we have to finish it.  But...but...this was supposed to be about ME pointing out something wrong with THEM.  How dare they turn the tables.  Hmph. 

The information they are sharing isn't settling too well in my belly, I wonder, why have they kept it to themselves for so long?  Why didn't they pout like me, ruin a perfectly good birthday dinner (oh, yah, did I mention that is was Friend #2's BIRTHDAY dinner???) and air their grievances? 

Then Friend #2 says "Suzy, we have been friends for so long, for so many years.  And while there are little things we don't necessarily like, we love YOU, so those little things don't mean anything.  So ya maybe we have a tendency to be a little late, but in the grand scheme, is it that big of a deal?"

No.  Its not that big of a deal.  Lesson (hopefully) learned.  On many different levels.

We ended up having a wonderful birthday dinner and I still have 2 very dear friends (I hope :) ).

Here we go again!

Well, so much for keeping my blog up to date.  It has been 6 months since I have posted anything.  The last thing I wrote about was wearing a scrunchie to a playdate or something.  I'm happy to see they have added spell check since I last blogged.  You will notice a new Blog name and Design.  I'm like Oprah.  I go away for a few months and come back with a bang! 

There has been A LOT of activity in our household.  Most has been good, others just growing pains of a family. 

Where to begin...

We had an amazing summer.  I did a ton of fun things with the boys.  Some highlights: went swimming (a lot), Owen took swimming lessons (and did great) at Little Fishes,  Owen went to the circus and to see a Pirate show, went to a carnival, hmmm...I meant to keep a diary of what the kids did all summer and that lasted until day 2.  So, now I can't remember.  I just know we had FUN. 

Overall Owen update.  He is doing so good.  He is a little stinker, but is really becoming his own person.  We had an apt just a few weeks ago with his DAN (Defeat Autism Now) doctor and she was really impressed with him.  He is in his 2nd year of special education pre-school at Wren Hallow and seems to be really happy.  We had some concerns about putting him back in special-ed, we didn't think he belonged there, but he is flourishing and happy when he comes home.  So we are putting our own ideals aside, for now, and going with it.  Owen LOVES to swim and even puts his head under the water when taking a bath to practice his bubbles.  He could stay in the pool for hours (which one Saturday he actually did stay in the pool for 6 hours!).  Owen's 4th birthday was Aug 15th.  We celebrated with a small picnic with a Toy Story theme.  He started USA gymnastics a couple of weeks ago.  This is a really strict gym class for young kids.  Owen seems to really like gymnastics (Little Gym anyway) so we wanted to step it up a notch to see if he could handle more of a challenge.  We'll see how it goes.  He seems to like it so far. 

Levi update.  Little Levi has a temper, you do not want to get him mad.  But, he is also the sweetest,cutest freaking baby!!  Man, he is a lover.  He wants to hug and kiss all day long.  Just as long as he gets to eat 11 out of 12 hours of the day, he is happy.  (He walks around all day long saying "eat eat eat, I eat eat eat".  And...he really does want to eat!!).  I started writing down his words to make sure he was on track with language, but he says so much that I quit doing it.  We are pretty sure he is good to go with communicating :)

I launched The Toddler Logger in April.  This has been a really exciting venture.  Things have been slow recently, but I haven't had much time to dedicate to it.  I had a minor setback with being rejected by a magazine that had previously planned to run a feature of my product.  That one hurt, but its just business not personal right?  ( I think that saying is B.S.). 

Still working Part-Time, which I love...it totally keeps me sane and makes me appreciate my days that much more with the boys.  Barclay and I no longer live together....  JUST KIDDING!  Just wanted to see if anyone was still reading :-)

Thats enough for now.  Sorry, I know this one was pretty bland, but gotta set a baseline...let you know that I didn't run off, leave my family, become a lesbian and dye my hair purple or something.  Although......

I still wear scrunchies

I have, for as long as I can remember, wanted to be fashionable, stylish, wear the 'cool' clothes.  I have, for as long as I can remember, been the exact opposite of this.  Oh, I come around to whatever the 'cool' kids are wearing, but long after it is cool.  I think that some people simply have this gift for picking out clothes.  Like my husband's cousin Holly, although I think she would look stylish wearing a mumu with purple socks.  You know how some people just have 'it'.  I don't, I want it, but I don't.  Oh, I have my moments.  Like when I went shopping at Forever 21 and let a 16year old pick out an outfit I would wear to Chicago.  Boy, was I hot...and looked like a 34 woman trying too hard :-)  The woman who I made fun of when I was in my early 20s.  So, with kids, my style, or lack-there-of, much to my dismay has actually gotten worse.  I still care, but don't have the energy to do anything about it.  I have become the SAHM that wears sweatsuits everywhere.  This is part of the reason I so enjoy my PT job, I have a reason to dress up.  My 3 and 1 year old don't care what I look like.  Or do they???  Maybe that is why Owen runs off when I call him!!  (haha).  I hit a new low though on Friday.  It was beautiful outside, and the boys and I wanted to go play.  So, I quickly threw on the GREEN sweatsuit, and ran a brush threw my hair...thought, 'hmmm, haven't showered for 3 days, so I better put my hair up, so I will look civilized.'  Couldn't find a normal hairband, so I grabbed a scrunchy.  Without giving it a second thought, I hit rock bottom.  I take the boys to the same playground that every-other-kid in the city of St. Louis went to.  Not one single woman has a scrunchy in her hair.  I think, 'maybe everyone will see me and think I AM the cool one and start wearing scrunchies in their hair'.  So, just for grins, and because I have nothing else better to do with my time, I googled "Scrunchy".  And guessssss what...Caterine Zeta-Jones was recently spotted wearing one.  Hmmm, could it be...am I on the fringe of a new wave of fashion?  I am pretty sure that CZJ did not go out with said scunchie whilst wearing a green sweatsuite and unshowered for 3 days....but, maybe that will come in fashion too....hmmmmm 

Remember When...

Today while driving in the van, the song "Remember When" from Alan Jackson came on.  I've always thought it a lovely, beautiful song.  I hadn't really connected with it though, you know how some songs you feel like are written just for you?  Well, this isn't that song for me.  Then, the last lyrics suddenly struck a cord --

"Remember when we said when we turned gray

When the children grow up and move away

We won't be sad, we'll be glad

For all the life we've had

And we'll remember when"

Barclay and I don't talk about getting old and the kids moving away...but I think about it, a lot.  More in terms of thinking and wishing for the boys to be older, and independent.  People always say "Appreciate when they are young because they grow up so fast".  I can't help but wish for easier days, when they are not so clingy and needy.  When they can feed, dress, potty themselves, when they...don't need me so much????  I guess in essence that is what I am wishing for.  But, then I listen to this song, and, if I'm not careful, I WILL be sad when they grow up and move away, because I am not fully appreciating this time with them.  I find myself thinking, the time isn't really going by that fast.  Then I sit with my Owen, and look at videos of him as a baby.  And I cannot believe that baby is now a vivacious 3.5 year old sitting on my lap saying "Lets watch it again Mommy".  I wonder, does my Mother-In-Law look at her grown 38 year old son and feel like he was just a baby?  Does it really go by that fast? 

I'll be more careful, to appreciate my two little boys exactly as they are now. 

Its almost here...

I've been working on a book, more of a journal, since October and it is almost finished!  I am really excited, but also very overwhelmed.  I think the business side is more difficult than anything else.  Do I need to incorporate before publishing?  Do I need an ISBN?  Where do I get said ISBN?  Where do I get it printed?  Barclay is also making a website for me, and I'm leaving all those details up to him :) 

I came up with this idea when Owen was first diagnosed with Autism.  I don't want to give too many details yet, but I couldn't find anything like this, zip, zero...so I thought, why not create it?  Then, I immediately thought, no...this is silly, I have no idea how to get it printed/published or anything.  So I dropped it until I went to this Special Needs seminar in October.  And in a booth was this little old lady selling a book that she wrote and published all by herself.  Of course, I came home and immediately started mine.  If she can do it, so can I!  I have several friends lending their expertise to help me out with the business side.  I knew my friends where fun and loving, had no idea how smart and talented they are!  :-)  (Point of fact:  Need to do more than just drink with said friends and really get to know their life!)

On Friday, I took Owen to the Dinasaurs Unearthed exhibit at the Science Center.  Friday mornings are our special time.  Levi goes to PDO so that I can spend some QT with Owen, since he is at school all week.  We had an awesome morning.  He did so good.  We walked around and looked at all the dinasaurs, then explored other parts of the museam.  We went to the Discovery Center where he did a great job of moving around and playing with various toys.  (The last time we went, over a year ago, he would only play with the cars..the entire time).  He still was not interested in any crafty things, like coloring/cutting/painting.  We had lunch after the discovery center.  When that was done, I said "time to go get Levi" and we left.  He did AWESOME!

Its been way too long!

It has been entirely too long since my last post. So much so, that I keep putting off doing a post because it feels so overwhelming to catch up on everything. I'll just start writing and see where it take me.

Today, so far, has been wonderful. I truly wish everyday could be like this. Owen is listening, responding, and just being a good kid. He went down for his nap without a peep, which was a nice change of pace.

Ugh, I feel stuck, too much going through my head...so much has happened in the past month! Is there a technology that can just scan my brain for what I want to write and then create the blog for me???

Okay, Levi had a developmental assessment last week. He passed with flying colors. Its is so different watching Levi at this age than with Owen. And, I know that every child is different. But, Owen just didn't do what Levi does. It is so hard to explain, but I just see it as a Mom and I know. Part of me wishes this was all reversed, because I would absolutely know by now that something just wasn't quite right. For example, when the evaluator drew a circle on a paper then handed the crayon to Levi, he immediately imitated making the circle (then tried to eat the crayon). When she got new toys out of her bag, he was interested in them, and would protest when one was taken away but was easily distracted with another toy. These are things that Owen still does not do.

Owen continues to make amazing progress. We had another appointment with his DAN doctor on Monday. She was very pleased with how he looks. Said his eyes are bright and his skin is clear. She said he is acting like a normal, albeit very active, 3 year old boy. We have 2 additional supplements added to our regime, and are up to about 15 a day now. I trust this doctor, and most importantly I trust my husband who is 100% all about this, but, its still hard every morning giving him all of this. I pray that we are doing the right thing, and I think we are, especially with the results we have seen. Owen talks almost all the time in complete sentences. We still have to correct his use of talking in the 1st person, and using he and she instead of it. He no longer sounds "mechanical" when he talks, and he looks at you when talking.

We are also working to get Owen to "calm down"...we go to OT once a week, and work daily on his sensory needs. He is a very active guy, and I don't want to change his personality. He just seems in overdrive much of the time, and this weather certainly doesn't help when he can't go outside and run around.

So, Christmas was a hard day. It was my fault. I spent all this time wrapping presents and making them just right, when I knew....Owen does not like presents. He does not want to unwrap them, nor is he all that interested in what is underneath. So, I ended up throwing a fit and crying, and almost ruined the day until Barclay reminded me what the day was all about. I was able to get it together, and hopefully, HOPEFULLY, I learned a lesson from it...only time will tell.

Levi is 100% mama boy. Barclay just laughs...I must carry Levi around all day, or else he cries. But, he only cries if I am around and not carrying him. I said I wanted a snuggle baby. Well, here he is :-)

I'm tired of writing, so I will sign off. I will not wait so long between posts next time!